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A New Path

Divorce can bring a profound shift in thought, emotion and behavior. It can cause life to be experienced through a clouded lens.

I have been divorced for 11 years. I dedicated myself to persevere in doing the work necessary to heal, recover and embrace life going forward. It was not easy and took time. Lots of time.

As I came across this message last week, I was reminded of my path of transformation.

“We spend too much time remembering what we should forget

and forgetting what we should remember.”

As I meditated on this, I noticed a new shift. First in my mind, then my heart and soul. I realized I was actually spending a lot of time remembering what I should forget and losing sight of what I should remember.

New possibilities. A new path.

As I embrace new relationships, new opportunities for work and my writing, I sometimes allow my mind to veer off the new path and relive a past experience. I don’t plan it, it just gets triggered.

It is like rewinding the video of my life, delaying the storyline. Constantly.

This pattern immediately causes discouragement, clouds the vision of my new path, apprehension takes over limiting my potential growth and movement forward.

So I begin an intentional practice of forgetting by simply saying “no” to my mind when the thoughts tried to veer off and take me to the past. No more rewind button.

After I say “no”, I focus on the present.

The first few times I did not allow the “rewind” I felt little surges of joy and energy. I found myself smiling and open to the future.

Hope filled me.

This is what we call fierce self-compassion, a clear, forthright boundary, a way to take care of myself, be kind to myself.

It was like taking a sip of joy, savoring the warmth and flavor.

I have the choice to cling or not cling to old ways. For me, forgetting the past is not denial of the truth or avoiding the pain, it is realizing I have faced it, explored it, and have allowed the transformation process.

Saying “no” to those past thoughts is a continuation of the transformation process.

I can also choose to remember my gifts, strengths and character now in this season of my life and step forward to share those with others, even when the path seems alien to me. It might reveal facets of myself that were previously hidden.

This practice of remembering is a discipline.

But, in reality, it is another sip of joy.

I am honoring all life’s lessons and turning my face joyfully to my future path, one I can clearly see and look forward to.

No more clouded lens. No lens at all.

A glorious adventure!

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

Isaiah 43: 18-19


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