My memoir is half way written. I have a bin of over 50 journals
detailing my life.
I was reading the journal from 1998, my quadruplets were one and a half.
As I documented first words, first teeth, our routine and special moments when they learned to independently dress and watched Barney for the first time, I also expressed my emotions, an array of emotion going up and down and all around!
I struggled to navigate the intensity. I continued to document my journey to the present day.
Although 20 years have passed since I wrote those specific feelings, the emotions are still with me. All emotions.
I have developed a respect for them and a new lens through which I see them.
I see them as waves.They have a constant flow. They are surprising at times. They can be dangerous and they can be soothing. Sometimes I can ride the wave and sometimes I need to be still and just float the wave.
The comforting fact remains, they are always moving!
Sometimes with a recognizable rhythm. It is my job to get to know myself enough to see the rhythm of my emotions, appreciate them and acknowledge new lessons and growth each year.
I know not to fight the waves, they will exhaust me.
If I judge the waves, they will defeat me.
If I anticipate the waves, they will scare me.
If I allow the waves, they can carry me to serenity.
They are a vital part of my humanity.
There is a season for everything and a time for every delight under heaven.
A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.