Isn't it amazing that brokenness and love can both reside in the heart? This is a new revelation to me in my study of grief and my own process of grief. This truth has allowed me to be open to love others without the self-protection and fear resulting from loss. It is not instantaneous or something I “do” on my own. It is a God-given grace and a choice to open my life to others.
I had the belief that I would work through all the broken places in my heart and life, and boy, did I work hard! THEN…at some point I would be ready to love again. Love again meaning to allow myself to connect with others in my life, family, friends, community, colleagues. It was very difficult for me to open up to others and reveal the broken and wounded heart I was carrying around. I developed layers of protection around my life and was very cautious with relationships. I therefore had a very small circle of people who “really” knew me. I would open up accordingly to each circle of people depending on my role or responsibility. As time went on, I hesitated to take risks and had to contemplate new adventures until I analyzed every aspect. This resulted in an insecurity and lack of confidence that I had not had in my younger days. I often thought, “I used to be so open and adventurous and confident. What has happened to me?”
In my previous blog I mentioned that 2015 has been a year of brokenness. Now, in this Fall season, I see that it is also a year of love. Brokenness and love residing together. They have been side by side the whole time! I see them both now. I see that brokenness created a humility in me that stripped me of judgement and enabled me to have empathy which therefore allowed me to connect with numerous new people. Once I connected, I became empowered to take another step, involving risk, and then another until I could see a whole new landscape of life. The brokenness emptied my being of all that held me back in life, and as I became empty, love filled my heart and has begun to overflow to others. Life is exciting, challenging and full of opportunity!
I value the wisdom of the older generation and have been blessed with a mom who has taught me about God, life, love and prayer. She has a quote that I have taken to heart:
“God is our source of love, others are a gift of love.” It brings me great comfort and joy knowing I have a never-ending source of love! A love that can fill all the broken places in my heart.
"Three things will last forever-faith, hope, and love- and the greatest of these is love."
1 Corinthians 13:13